Yawn. Well that was a fine nap. Hope I didn't oversl....
*Looks at calendar*
Oh, uhm, well, that was sure a long and totally justified absence with real, substantial reasons behind it.
Okay, let me level with you folks. I've kinda been overwhelmed with stuff in real life, which made me less motivated to mock Bleach, which also kinda settled into just mostly really boring territory for a bit. But I believe it's now time for me to come back from the grave and give a summary of the preceeding events. This first post shall cover the amazing saga of Baby Hold Your Hand parts 2 through 7 and then we'll see from there. Such a shame, so much pidgeon english we could have been graced with had not Kubo insisted on getting a manicure instead.
Chapter 639: The Chapter where Pernida's master strategy is revealed
So this chapter we discover Pernida's strategy involves dismembering itself. Because being a severed hand gives you the power to do that.
|Well, Pernida certainly has taken giving people the finger quite literally|
An absolutely fool-proof strategy as long as it don't fight more then five people. Or doesn't get anything in it's eye. So basically it should avoid string sextets performing Richard Strauss.
At the point where we find out that the ancient, immortal God-Ruler of Soul Society and the World, so sacred he can't actually be bothered to govern it and has to be locked in a big hamster bubble in a completely seperate dimension, apparently walks on his hands.
|That's how you do done hands right ?|
This explains so much.
And somehow this same moon logic leads to Mayuri's bankai being a....pregnant baby.
|I'd get into the deeply disturbing points I'm sure you're all wondering about but my immediate question is: why does it have lamps (?) hanging off the side like some sort of traffic light ?|
I'm very confused. Not just because this is disturbing on a fundamental level but remember, sword spirits/manifestations are artificial beings, and Mayuri says this is a "modified" Bankai. So did he...intentionally make it look like a big baby that gives birth to smaller babies on purpose for some sort of sick ironic statement ?
And then he has the things it produced be in constant pain because it's nerve are on the outside.
Just....why the fuck does anyone keep this guy employed ? Because no matter how efficient your Severed Head powered ceiling fan is, there's only so many times you can break the laws of Gods and Men before someone files a complaint at Human Resources...unless that's where you work for the sake of irony.
The chapter ends with these shrieking abominations eating the hands Pernida grew because it forgets it can punch things momentarily.
Chapter 640 begins with a full colour display of all the Quincies from this arc.
Mayuri once more demonstrating that mental health that in no way makes him a hiring risk.
|Remember, this is the guy they let be in charge of all the really dangerous shit.|
But then what everyone expected to happen happens and Kubo graces us with the sight of an exploding baby.
Because we definitely needed to see that. Mayuri almost gets shot by Pernida's bow (a Quincie using a bow ? That's so random lol) but maybe if it wasn't down to just three fingers it's aim might be a bit better. Just a theory. And it can apparently regrow it's fingers. And it can shoot one bow from each finger it has. So why was it awkwardly grasping at that one bow before ? Did it just not want to hit Mayuri ?
Nemu makes the save but Mayuri gets pissy about her dying being an annoyance for him. Because I do so care about the emotional baggage of a man who blew up his own men as living bombs and casually committed genocide at the beginning of this same arc. Not to mention the whole thing with the Quincies and you'd think the dude would be a lot higher on their hit list but Kubo's apparently completely forgotten about that as usual.
Chapter 641 Doesn't have much except Mayuri blabbing out his plan to kill Pernida with a coagulating drug, delivered in his usual subtle way.
|I'm the best diversion ever, there's no way they can see through my clever rouse of telling them I'm a diversion !|
It's so bad Nemu calls him out on it. But still people reveal their plans and powers to the enemy all the time in Bleach, when has that ever backfi-
|The unthinkable happened, they actually listened to what I was saying !|
You had one job dude.
Chapter 642 is Backstory Time !
In short Nemu is the seventh artificial soul Mayuri made. Apparently every attempt before that was basically a failure.
There is shockingly little I can say about this chapter aside from commenting on the inconsistency of "growth" for Shinigami considering that pigtail girl has been the same age for centuries. Also souls now have cells that divide. As well as blood. And organs. Basically being dead has long stopped meaning anything in this series.
These two chapters especially impeded me getting back on track because there isn't really much here.
Chapte 643: Now that Nemu is facing Pernida instead of Mayuri she is forced to literally use up her own soul to fight it.
Resulting in her blowing the thing that multiplies by division into pieces.
|In hindsight this was not the best idea|
Boy you're really putting all that stuff you apparently learned about to good use ! Annnnd she gets blowed up. Mayuri then for some reason has hallucinations of Szayel.
|I'm certain everyone reading remembers me, I do look so unique and all.|
Considering Kubo's totally unique design method I was actually stumped for a bit wondering if this isn't a character I'd just forgotten about. But no Mayuri just has random hallucinations of people he's killed just in case he's not been raising enough mental flags with his usual behaviour.
Thankfully Mayuri manages to kill Pernida via her exploding regenerating cells when it decides, for no real reason, to eat Nemu's remains. I'd love to know what his solution would be if Pernida didn't just randomly decide to do that.
Chapter 644: Mayuri tries to look cool by walking out of the blast but his legs are broken. He's found by these two guys from Zaraki's division and yes I could look up their names but Kubo filled my brain with nonsense like Nananna Najakhoop and Askin Nakk le Vaar and I want to keep a few brain cells handy.
|Also thanks for all the massive help you've been|
And look Mayuri scienced up a way to dezombify people. I guess he had time when they were all standing around in front of an open door for several months.
|I love the part where it has a stand but he's still holding it up in the air anyway, despite how needlessly big it is|
And now we move on to Black Dude # 18 aka Sniperguy. He's sure looking nice and snipery with his sniper rifle sniping at people like a sniper would do. But his sniper rifle is not match for Kyouraku's children's games and it's sliced in half. Oh noes, how will he snipe people without his sniper rifle ?
Chapter 645: Sniperdude wonders how Kyouraku snuck up on him while the latter stands around blabbing about how it's weird a Quincie doesn't know what a Daruma is.
|Yes a culture consisting of living inside of an ice palace, being somehow both German, Chinese and Black and apparently all being dead maybe|
Of course Kyouraku's Daruma-san technique gets explained to the enemy, as well as the reason why Sniperdude can't seem to shoot Kyouraku. I'd just like to point out this is the exact same thing that lead to Mayuri's plan backfiring a few chapters ago.
The guy almost avoids doing something as stupid but...
|Revealing your strategy is stupid, now let me reveal my strategy.|
he still explains what his power is anyway.
Chapter 646 continues the rivetting standoff of Sniperdude standing there and Kyouraku jumping at him.
Meanwhile his apparently still functioning rifle gets cut to size yet again.
|Good thing his power isn't being all seeing or anything because then him getting his shit repeatedly slashed to pieces would be embarassing.|
Sniperguy gets so pissed off he runs at Kyouraku....to explain the origin of his gun. And he nearly gets cut down by Kyouraku but then when Kyouraku actually lands a hit it doesn't count because apparently if he opens his eyes three times during a fight he becomes intangible and automatically pierces his opponent. Because reasons, and stuff. And why didn't he just use his Cheat Mode earlier ?
|My power is to never change my opinion, except when it's convenient|
Oh bullshit man, you were the one who chewed out Kyouraku for being an idiot for telling you what his power is and that you weren't looking for a fair fight ! But because Kubo needs to pull a random powerup for you out of his ass this suddenly becomes a thing.
I would advise our readers to say goodbye to Lille being a sniper. Because that's pretty much a non-fact from this point onwards.
Oh and if you open your eyes three times during "one fight" you can keep them open for good ? What exactly constitutes a fight ? What if someone else attacked you while you were fighting Kyouraku, would that make your counter go down to zero ? Or if your opponent ran off without you defeating him, would that just stay permanently at 3 ? You make about as much sense as a mogwai.
Also because the completely arbitrary requirements have been met Lille gets to morph into his super form. Would you want to know what that is ?
|Totally aerodynamically sound|
Of course it's a goofy nonsensical thing. Every black dude in this series always turns into a big ugly stupid thing. Zommari became a pumpkin, blind Shinigami dude turned into a fly and Pepe turned into a winged Santa Claus with a way too revealing thong on. Only one that escaped this fate was Nanana Racistkoop and that's only because he got offed before Kubo could turn him into a flying toaster or something.
Anyways the chapter ends with Lillbot shooting Kyouraku a bunch and we're supposed to think he's super seriously down for the count for reals this time.
Chapter 647 starts with a wait a minute....
At the end of the previous chapter you couldn't move and got a frontal hit. Did Lille just deactivate the power that made you unable to move after you got hit ?
We switch scene to see what everyone else is doing: namely running. Because plot in this series consists of people standing in place explaining abilities and people running until they run into someone they can stand at and explain their abilities to. This time they run into The Unmemorable Cosplayer Guy aka Thordude and Renji actually thinks he can take someone head on.
|It's like watching a three legged puppy trying to take on a pack of Siberian Tigers|
Dude last time Kubo gave you a one on one fight you made Bleach's ratings sink like the Titanic. He ain't giving you another one. Hell even there two other guys already fought the guy before so you could make the argument he was worn out !
Back in the one fight that will take the majority of screentime for weeks on end because Kubo has no idea how to divide his attention equally between different events, Kyouraku tries cutting down Lille with a Kido blade, it does nothing and then he decides to activate his ability. Seeing what it is, why did he have to wait until he lost a third of his blood before he started to use it ?
Chapter 648: After we see Ichigo stare down Askin wondering how Grimmjow could have lost to someone so non-threatening, literally the entire Palace gets absorbed into Kyouraku's bankai. One wonders if, seeing as it has that much of an area of effect, why he didn't bother using it earlier regardless how far away he was from the others but thinking is for smart people.
Also Lille's legs now are frickin amazing
Not sure if this is Kubo screwing up the perspective but it appears they're now welded to a four pointed trident (quatrident ?) and it appears they're not even properly centered and there's an extra bit jutting out to his right/back ?
After chatting Kyouraku up a bit Lille proceeds to slice off big holes off of Bach's remodelled Palace and then somehow gets a big chunk blown out of him so apparently the suit is now also his body.
And seeing as how his Bankai makes the opponent get the same wounds as they give to Kyouraku, why didn't he use this while he was getting made into swiss cheese again ?
But not only does Kyouraku's Bankai allow him to make things dark and give identical wounds to his enemies as ones he got himself.....also he can apparently somehow manifest someone's dying regret over self-inflicted battle injuries as an incurrable disease.
|If you don't see how these things are all obviously thematically connected I truly pitty your sub Level 46 secrecy initiation level|
And then his final form....submerges them both underwater until either of their reiatsu runs out.
Okay you apparently inflicted the dude with an "incurrable disease", why did you feel you then had to dunk the pair of your underwater until someone goes out cold ? Seems kind of counterproductive to me. Unless said "disease" was either not lethal or would take like 5-6 years to kill Lille off, in which case what was the point again ?