Attack From Behind: The Top Disappointments of BLEACH So Far

Welcome to the first post of my new column, Attack from Behind! By this point I've spilled even more ink ragging on BLEACH than Kubo has splashed all over his manga, so I figured I'd capitalize on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to disseminate my snark to the masses. The people must be warned; or, if it's too late and they're stuck on the BLEACH train until it finally crashes like the rest of us, they must be entertained.



A disclaimer: I used to be a pretty big fan.

Sure, I poked fun from time to time. Actually, I poked fun a lot. I wrote crackfic, I joked with fellow fans. I didn't take the series too seriously.

But it was the first shounen battle series I really got into. I'd never seen highly effective drama and awesomely creative and gripping fights like Ichigo vs. Byakuya in, say, random reruns of Dragonball Z, and my tiny little mind marveled at the twist at the end of Soul Society arc. Like any obsessive worth his salt I invested my creativity into the series and formulated countless theories as to where the story would go. To say I had high hopes would be an understatement.

I would continue to count myself a fan through the Arrancar arc up to the middle Hueco Mundo arc. For many the series had already been declining in quality since before then, but it was here the fact that something was amiss registered for me. And from then on my judgement became less clouded and I could see more and more clearly Kubo's obvious lack of planning (less charitably, his not knowing what the fuck he's doing) and how his art style was extremely spare compared to a certain vastly superior series about a rubber pirate I was starting to get into, whose epic story telling, expansive world, excellent characterization and sheer heart were several orders of magnitude above BLEACH's emotional sterility, soullessness, astonishingly sluggish pace, and style over substance.

I continued to follow BLEACH out of morbid curiosity, with a part of me hoping Kubo would get his act together and turn the series around. But it was clear during the absolute mess that was Fake Karakura arc that this would never happen. So here we are: in no particular order, the top disappointments of BLEACH, this now-infamous series of perpetual disappointment.

The Nnoitra Fight

Expectation: The baby arrancar Nel Tu has transformed into a stupendously hot noble warrior Espa da with a noble warrior's disposition intent on protecting her erstwhile defender Ichigo! Since she was apparently formerly numero 3, hopefully she can take down Nnoitra at his toughest, preferably without even releasing (after all, Kubo could save her release for later when she becomes an important ally)! Would show that chauvinist, underhanded, sore loser bastard what's what!

LOLNOPE!: It's fitting that the volume for the Nnoitra fight is called "The Bad Joke." This is definitely where the series jumped the shark for me. And this is before the series became truly atrocious. This is back when Kubo didn't skimp so much on the backgrounds and back when there was actual steady plot progression.

Neliel had so much potential. Think of what a great dynamic she could have had with Ichigo. So much stronger than him, so tempting to devour his massive spirit energy... But she must suppress her ever-present Hollow need to devour in order to preserve her noble warrior's honor. Think how she could have been a valuable ally in Ichigo's mission, providing vital information to the good guys on the inner workings of Aizen's army, all the while a bit conflicted about helping shinigami she thinks might end up trying to purify her, or study her arrancarization. (Plus she ain't sore on the eyes, no siree.)

What's especially insidious about this fight is, I think, that it starts with Neliel kicking ass, telling Ichigo she'll be done quickly and stopping a cero beam with a single hand.

Alas, none of this awesomeness was to last. Nnoitra tells her that since so much time passed since her (still not adequately explained) kiddification, her rank of 3 is now meaningless, so that just because he's a 5 doesn't mean she can beat him. And so a million fanboys (read: I) went "Aaaaw, gyp." Oh well, we get some nice backstory about Nnoitra's grudge and Neliel's cool battle ethic and smack talk, and then...

Behold the laughability of her resurrecion:

I don't know about you, but a goat's not the first animal that springs to mind when I think of a seasoned, noble warrior. Oh well, it's not worse than Nnoitra's, but we'll get to him later. Fan cap back on: Surely he'll need to release in order to even survive against her onslaught in this form (Nnoitra even charges to stop her!), let alone--

Whaaaaaaat

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

This is bullshit enough as it is, surely there's some explanation for this, right?

Get this: Nnoitra punts her baby form and WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN, except for a brief moment as Nnoitra dies. Seriously. (Of course, she won't be the last character to drop off the map.)

Then the fight completely switches off to Nnoitra vs. Kenpachi after Kenpachi arrives to save Ichigo (I surmise Kubo wanted a battle of eyepatches more than he wanted a so-called Battle of Barbarians). Kenpachi and Nnoitra proceed to have an extremely protracted and boring slash-off over several chapters that really makes the reader wish Kubo had just fucking stuck with Neliel, but hey at least Kenpachi is awesome and we get a laugh from this ridiculousness:

Yes. Apparently Kenpachi couldn't feel that his blade hadn't hit flesh. (Also Nnoitra's brain must be pretty tiny, but I guess that makes sense.) This is cool for about four seconds, then the novelty wears off and you think "Nope, it's just stupid. He wore an eyepatch over it why, exactly?"

Hold up, it gets even stupider.

Wonderful. His resurrecion is more arms. Is there any more yawn-worthy power?

Hold up, it gets even fucking stupider. How could Kenpachi possibly fight against more arms!? He has to use a new technique!

HOLY SHIT, you say, YOU MEAN WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO SEE HIS SWORD RELEASE?

No, my friends, but we get something else we've been simply dying to see. He holds his sword with GASP OF GASPS

both hands.

Stop, my pounding heart. The sheer excitement of it, the brilliance of slashing down with both hands, it's simply too much. You spoil us, Kubo!

Yammy Is Really Truly Honestly Espada #0

Expectation: It was just a joke in fandom. He wouldn't really make Yammy numero 0 would he?

Kubo brought Yammy back for a reason, right? And now he's squaring off against Kenpachi and Byakuya. Surely Kubo had at least enough foresight to make the fight have believable tension by giving Yammy a decent power-up without going so overboard as to vindicate the haters--

LOLNOPE!: Kubo. You troll.

You supreme troll.

I have actually heard fans make a defense of this that isn't too off the wall. Yammy's power was to suck souls en masse, and he's been gone for a while, right? Just put two and two together.

The problem is there was no foreshadowing of this when Yammy was fighting Ishida and those two fodder loli arrancar during the final Ulquiorra fight (which we're going to discuss later, just you wait).

There's also the problem that even granted that explanation, KUBO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH THE FIGHT ANYWAY. Yammy's defeated offscreen, as a fucking afterthought.

What the hell was the point, Kubo?

Well, it's actually something of a blessing it was settled offscreen, because the chapters the Yammy fight did take up were extremely padded and had zero tension whatsoever. There was no feeling of urgency in the reader, because it was so obviously just a stalling tactic on Kubo's part. You could say that Yammy was full of it when he said he was 0 and excuse the absolute boringness of the fight that way, but in the end it's still utterly pointless.

Orihime Lends a Hand During the Ulquiorra Fight!?

Expectation: Orihime blocks an attack by Ulquiorra! Pleasantly surprise us, Kubo! Character development could be in the works if Orihime puts aside her squeamishness and fights together with Ichigo to take down their most powerful enemy yet! It would go nicely with the almost-existent nakama theme you've almost got going, just saying Kubo. And it would make half your fanbase maybe stop hating her guts (though considering the Bleach fanbase their hatred may only intensify afterwards).

It's a chapter ending, it's got to be meaningful!

LOLNOPE!: Just like so many girls in shounen series before her, she does nothing and merely exists to be hurt so Ichigo could summon enough strength to protect her. And this happens in the most bullshit way imaginable.

Teamwork? Pah and pshaw. What we need to overcome our enemies is to PULL A SUPER FORM OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE.

Last time Ichigo pulled a superpowered evil form it was foreshadowed (the Hollow mask that kept mysteriously reappearing on his person back in Soul Society). Not here. And you know what's sad? That this was so, so predictable anyway. There's nothing about the way his super form was executed that was original in any way, and yet if you talk to the diehards they'll swear up and down it was actually genius because of X, Y, and Z.

And you know what? Maybe I could believe it.

If Ichigo and Orihime's relationship developed beyond being friendly acquaintances afterwards.

Nope. Ahahaha. Of fucking course not, character development is for lesser mangaka, who has the time when you have a super form's long hair to draw.

To Kubo's everlasting credit, this is only the second time a good guy sacrifices his powers for a super move, then gets his powers back shortly! Keep at it, role models! Readers will never need to rely on friends ever again, they'll just shoot horns out of their heads and generic beam spam away all their problems!

Ichigo Is a Boring Main Character in General

Let's talk about Ichigo's characterization.

Some detractors of BLEACH say Ichigo has no personality; I myself don't think that's the fairest assessment. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely not the most fleshed out character in the history of manga (What are Ichigo's likes and dislikes? Uhh... he likes friends and dislikes enemies?). But after he became half-Hollow he suffered a believable brief lapse of his confidence; his Hollow side brings out his love of fighting when it emerges, whereas normal Ichigo is more about protecting the things he loves. When Aizen trolls his entire life, he feels true despair and shock. Say what you will but at the very least Ichigo comes across as human and not a robot, which is the greatest sin a storyteller could make.

It's just not an interesting characterization. It's straight up boring. It brings nothing new to the table and Kubo doesn't explore it or play with it really. It's just there, a static, stagnant entity that no one notices because it never moves.

Part of the problem is that Ichigo doesn't have a dream; he has little proactive agency, everything he does is reactive. Not only that, but every act of heroism he does is a chore for him, from the first chapters as substitute shinigami to later in the series when he's the appointed savior of Soul Society (especially in the anime continuity, where he must have saved Soul Society at least a dozen times now and can be expected to do so dozens of more times).

Let's face it, they may have pretended to like him for his putative punkishness, but the real reason half of the fans liked Ichigo was because of his kickass mask.

Otherwise he's just not a dynamic character. In fact, would you say he experienced any growth whatsoever as a character since the first few chapters?

Not even his moveset has evolved much. Despite having put us the readers through tons of training arcs, Ichigo's moveset is still very small:

• Zangetsu: Can be spinned using the sash, but much more often just unleashes generic energy slashes.
• Tensa Zangetsu: Increases speed, but super speed like in the Byakuya fight breaks Ichigo's bones so it's practically unusable. Ichigo's bankai is easily the third most disappointing in the series, (behind Hitsugaya's bankai of MORE ICE and Soi Fong's generic rocket launcher of course).
• Mask: Vaguely increases strength and maybe speed. Ichigo has used cero beam attacks and high-speed regeneration, but only in superpowered evil mode, even though other Vizards can use cero attacks and high speed regeneration lucidly.
• Mugetsu: Weeks of extensive training, for a one-off super move that subsequently robs Ichigo of his powers.

And it seems all the post-timeskip arc has done is restore Ichigo's old powers, wasting the potential for truly creative variation.

Three Captains and Shinji Work in Tandem to Stab Aizen! Can It Take?

Expectation: C'mon Kubo, this is your chance to make Aizen more likable as a villain by making him vulnerable! Invincible villains are boring, especially ones that just stand there and let their illusions do all the work. You don't have kill him off this way obviously, but at least make him flinch a little! Besides, readers need to be shown the captains are tactical too--

LOLNOPE!: YOU. IDIOTS.

You'd think the captains would have had needed good reason to think they could touch Aizen. What with their millennia of combat experience.

We don't hate Aizen more for this, Kubo. We hate YOU for this.

Do I have to elaborate on just how much bullshit this is? He brought up all our hopes by having Hinamori get over her denial and kick ass on the battlefield, only to be used as villain fodder AGAIN, this time getting her best friend Hitsugaya to do his dirty work. Yeah awesome so impactful go straight to hell Kubo you emotionally manipulative urrrrrrgh.

And I love how Hitsugaya just casts Hinamori aside to attack Aizen some more. That worked out so well for you nine seconds ago Hitsu. Is it any wonder no one in the States likes you, you cookie-cutter twat of a character you. I also love how Aizen here is basically just a pointlessly cruel shithead for teh evulz, but later on Kubo tries to pull some underlying justification for Aizen after he finally gets beat; he prattles on about how Urahara is a loser who thinks about how the world is, whereas he thinks about how the world should be.

Apparently the world should be a place where your former loyal retainer is stabbed twice in melodramatically cruel ways.

Halibel Vs. Hitsugaya

Expectation: For a story to have tension the villain has to be vulnerable, but so too do the heroes. BLEACH has become infamous for its good guys never dying. Here the awesomely-designed Halibel slices up Hitsugaya in two. Sure kill! Well, maybe only for the really gullible, but at least Hitsugaya is out of commission for now, right? So we can actually fear our antagonists?

LOLNOPE!: He was an ice clone. An ice clone that looks nothing like ice and looks shocked when sliced in two.

How a person can remain a fan after so much pointlessness and bullshit is truly beyond me. That chapter cliffhanger, like so many, is resolved within the first few pages of the next chapter, so fast it might as well have not happened. We want you to stretch out the tension, Kubo, not the panels.

Hitsugaya made no indication of being able to create ice clones befoh who am I kidding you get it. Let's talk about Halibel. I'm sure she amounted to something, cue sarcasm shot

It's almost like Kubo is trying to enrage us at this point.

There was serious speculation that no matter the outcome Aizen would win the war because he had the soul energy of the fallen to create his key, which made sense and was smart so of course it didn't happen, next.

The Disposability of Characters and the Non-importance of Events in General

Expectation: Characters seemed alive with creativity and coolness in Soul Society arc. This is where most of the fans fell in love with the series, essentially because of all the lovable characters. Judging from the putative emotional depth of this arc, many fans believed characters existed to go somewhere.

LOLNOPE!: Shall we count the ways characters are not followed up on and their arcs aren't settled? Hinamori and Neliel are only the tip of the disappointment iceberg.

Let's start with Hiyori, whose last action scene involved her getting sliced in two by Gin for cheap shock value.

We are later informed she and Hinamori are being healed, as an afterthought. You see they had already fulfilled their purpose to be villain fodder.

And what about all the characters we haven't seen in ages? The characters who seem to have been forgotten? Like... Ganju and Kuukaku? Whatever happened to them? Ichigo saved Grimmjow from getting killed; where is he now? Where did Orihime's fairies fly off to? Ichigo's little sister Karin saw him in his shinigami form a while back; is that ever going to come up again? What was up with Mayuri and that weird storeroom in Hueco Mundo? What happened after Ichigo's school friends stumbled onto Urahara's shop? Why did Kubo bother writing these things if he's not going to develop them after everything is said and done?

For one reason: When Kubo can't think of anything else, he whips up new characters. The man has admitted this openly. Characters are no longer characters, they're flat, one-note shadows. No, sometimes it's even worse, they're plot devices and decorations that happen to speak and wear pretty clothes!

Retcon that Hougyoku!

Expectation: Ichigo's battles have been in the palm of Aizen's hand or whatever, now I know what you're thinking but this could actually make sense, see Aizen was just planning out Ichigo's battles in Hueco Mundo as a sort of experiment!

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit: Aizen has been in control of Ichigo's life SINCE HE WAS BORN. Making all of Ichigo's heroics? COMPLETELY FUCKING WORTHLESS.

Excuse me while I reduce this chair to smithereens by smashing my head repeatedly against it. It might take a while as it's metal.

But that's not all! The Hougyoku is NOT a hybridizing artifact! It's a WISH-GRANTER!! Somehow Urahara, its creator, did not realize he'd miraculously created a wish-granting artifact, but Aizen did. Go figure.

So what exactly was the point of kidnapping Orihime if not to heal the Hougyoku? As bait or some such. Which doesn't explain why Ulquiorra made efforts to entrap Orihime psychologically as well as physically.

Whatevs, now the Hougyoku is extremely conveniently bonding with Aizen to spin him some super forms, all of which look more amusing than frightening.

I get it's supposed to be a chrysalis, but I like to call it his "ludicrous space clown" getup.

Kubo, it's too late to want to make your series Berserk. That Hougyoku is not a Behelit.

But then it's revealed that Aizen's REAL wish was to remain weak (just fucking go with it), and the Hougyoku disengages, again extremely conveniently. So... the bad guy lost because he didn't really want to win, not due to the protagonist's best efforts.

Where's that chair again?

So Few Bankais, So Few Reasons Why

Expectation: It's a war arc. Perfect opportunity for your protagonists to unleash their all! After all, they have no reason not to; it's the war to decide the fate of Soul Society!

LOLNOPE!: All we get are expansions of a few of the shikais of the Vice Captains and of Kyouraku and Ukitake, and Soi Fong's incredibly retarded bankai of a missile launcher (great for stealth ops!), and an unimpressive one at that.

Kubo thought this was a good idea.

Not even Aizen bankais. Again, why? (Well at least Gin's bankai was fairly enjoyable. 13 kilometers!!)

Urahara Has Aizen in His (Completely Inconsequential) TRAP!

Expectation: Urahara kills Aizen by wrapping him in a series of binding spells that will pressure cook him! C'mon. At least gravely injures?

Bleeeeeeeeh we know it's not going to do a damn thing even though it took an entire goddamn chapter and it makes no sense that Aizen should be able to escape considering Urahara ought to know his own creation's capabilities

LOLYUP!: Aizen walks off HIS OWN CHAKRA EATING HIM ALIVE with zero explanation. Par for the course.

Actually, it turns out not to have been completely inconsequential--evidently, Urahara hid a sealing spell inside his sealing spell, which later activates and restrains Aizen. However, imagine you're reading each chapter as it comes out, week by week, and at the end of every chapter is fake out after fake out.

A newcomer to the battlefield! Is Aizen actually damaged?

...

Turns out he's fine! But this next attack might do the trick!

Rinse and repeat about a half dozen times.

Gin Attacks Aizen! Please Be the New Big Bad

Expectation: Okay maybe just maybe Kubo was getting tired of Aizen's haxness too and devised an awesome way to kill him off and give main villain status to a much more deserving character! Poison that constantly eats at his cells faster than he can regenerate! C'mon c'mon c'mon

LOLNOPE!: Two ways to get around Hougyoku that fail without explanation. Just dandy. And to add insult to injury, Ichimaru is killed like a chump. By a fucking butterfly. Siiiiiiigh.

CHAD

Expectation: Back in SS arc, Chad gets a flashback sequence wherein it's explained that he and Ichigo were once back-to-back badasses, fighting together to take down some school punks. Once this arc is over they'll get back in touch, right? Ichigo staked his life for what was precious to Chad, and Chad returned the favor by fighting for Rukia!

LOLNOPE!: This bears mentioning as it was my first major peeve with the series. Not only do the two barely speak to each other after SS, they don't even attempt to. You'd think after Kubo hinted at character development with the oh-shit-gotta-train-to-be-useful subplot for Chad during the Arrancar arc and the left-shield power up during Hueco Mundo he'd help out Ichigo beyond just a fodder introductory "privaron" Espada villain.

I have brain space that could have housed useful information taken up instead by this afro arrancar. And then Nnoitra knocks Chad down with a single damn punch. Don't feel bad though Chad, you'll get a shitty arc all your own!

But even after the two-year timeskip they still don't bond at all.

Also his pride is his skin now. As opposed to that shiny medallion his beloved abuelo gave him that could have been his fullbringer medium. Jesus Christ. I also love how fullbringer powers don't really explain how he was so strong to begin with.

The Bitter Tale of Tousen and Komamura

Expectation: Tousen and Komamura were among the most interesting of the bevy of characters introduced in Soul Society, and their relationship was genuinely touching. Komamura was never approached due to his inhuman appearance, but Tousen was blind and as such didn't care. Their bond of friendship lead them to encouraging each other to become the best they could be and they eventually became captain class shinigami.

And then the truly unforeseeable happens--Tousen turns coat and joins the evil Aizen! How could he!? Komamura is heartbroken, but Tousen tells him he is merely fulfilling his vow to execute the highest justice and following the "path of least bloodshed." What could that mean!?

Fast forward. Tousen and Komamura, former friends, face off with everything at stake--souls and hearts. This should be a sole flashpoint of truly gripping, memorable storytelling in the whole of Karakura Key arc--Kubo's had this battle in the works for a considerable length of time, and has had more than enough time to ruminate on how best to tug at our emotions, and maybe even explore a theme?

LOLNOPE!: The only thing Kubo ruminates is the latest fashion trends.

Oh Kubo, you do like your ebony and ivory. If Tousen weren't blind he'd be mutinying.

「「「 
Let's get one thing out of the way--Is it ever explained why exactly Komamura is a fox person to begin with? No. And it doesn't seem to fit with anything else we've seen so far, but then again I guess neither does Yoruichi randomly being able to transform into a cat either.

For that matter, to put it bluntly, why is Tousen black? (Yoruichi too lol.) This is supposed to be the (read: terrible, insanely depressing slum of an) afterlife for Japanese people, right? I mean, the place looks about as Japanese as it gets and absolutely everyone has a Japanese name. It's not like a black Japanese person is impossible now of course, but these guys are supposed to be thousands of years old. Is what their soul looks like a crapshoot then? That makes no sense if their Plus chain-spirits look like them though. 
                                                                                                      」」」

There is a bit of enjoyable repartee between the two and even Tousen's former pupil Hisagi, exploring underlying motives and the pain of broken bonds before the fight flies into high absurdity. The eagerly anticipated explanation for Tousen's treachery? He says that justice is indeed his driving ambition, but asserts that justice necessitates evil and violence. He says that living out his peaceful life and not avenging his friend, who died at the hands of Soul Society, would be evil.

Let's talk a step back here, and really think about the implications. He's just said, basically, that he's following the path of most bloodshed.

He's joined the organization of a man who wants to sacrifice the souls of thousands of innocent people. How is that not even worse than Soul Society?

So the real answer was just that he's a hypocrite, essentially. Well at least his previously established fear of death is remembered, as he claims that he didn't want to integrate into shinigami culture and "die a pointless death." Ironic, then, his fate. Anywayz look at this he also has a resureccion in addition to a Vizard mask somehow

See now he's the one who's hideous wheeeeeeee symbolism

Not so horrendous I mean it could be worse--what's that? He can SEE now? You lose all points, Kubo.

What's that? He calls Komamura ugly? Despite having only been able to see for like a minute? Beyond negative points, Kubo. They have to invent a new form of integer lower than negative, like black hole numbers or something.

"If you were still blind I couldn't have killed you!" <--- hello emo song lyric

What happened to his high speed regeneration? What about bankai no you're just going to die whatever sigh.

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww