Sunday, 14 August 2011

Your plot point has expired: chapter 459 chewout extravaganza

The advent of the latest in a long line of patented Kubo Twists has gotten my mind reeling from a nigh uncountable list of contradictions and problems. Chapter 459 has made the fullbring arc a little microcosm of the very worst of Bleachs' problems; sure, Kubo abandoning plot points and pulling out nonsensical explanations is nothing new, but in an arc this short they stick out like never before. Chapters this horrendously heinous and ill conscieved are rare even in Bleach, so, I decided to treat you all to what I've gathered so far, and add to this as time goes on - hold your noses, this is gonna get very, very pedantic!

- So Ishida was attacked by Ginjo all along. Nope, not buying it Kubo. When Shuu-chan jumps into Ishidas face theres a blurry line beneath him- are you saying that’s not a swiftly drawn blade? Are you saying the fuzzy line is Ginjo? Also, notice how Shuu-chan passes right by Ishidas right side. Then, right afterwards, Ginjo comes flying towards him, also on the right side, where Ishida should be looking already. How did he fucking not notice him?
And boy is this the weirdest ambush ever. “Hey dude, I got an idea! You go walking around on that rooftop there, above Ichigos home. Then, his friend can’t help but follow you! Then, suddenly, you surprise him by doing a 180 directly into his face, only you don’t actually attack. That’s when I, waiting on the streets, seize my chance to jump up and attack!”
“Uh, couldn’t I just attack when I surprise him? I could just, you know, not brainwash him, just cut him. That way I’ll be the only villain, and it minimizes risk-
“Dude that’s like, wayyyyy too boring. My plans much better”

And what the hell is up with the line “sheesh, this is one of Kurosakis friends, right?”
What? You mean you didn’t know!? You just thought you were roughing up some random dude who stalked Shuu-chans rooftop reading stroll? The thing that set the whole damn arc in motion was pure fucking chance!?

- Ginjo states that "We shouldn't brainwash Ishida". Thats right Ginjo, you can't do that because
"Because that would be boring" NO THATS NOT WHY YOU MORON!
If you brainwashed Ishida he would just return without physical injuries, and maybe with a weird new friend. If this is how you want to motivate Ichigo, you NEED to have Ishida injured.
Otherwise, you.
EVERYTHING hinges on Ichigo being so worried about his friends that he'll go to completely untrustworthy strangers to get powers! He wont be that if Ishida gets brainwashed into being fine and dandy!

Also, Ginjos reasoning that it wont be boring is that Ichigo might discover the difference in the attack on Ishida and the attack on the others. Funny, I'd think the extra excitement would come from the fact that theres absolutely nothing (but his own ideocy and inexplicable slowness) stopping Ishida from getting out of the hospital, visiting Ichigo, and going "Dude, thats the guy who attacked me!" They didn't even monitor him in the hospital or anything. Their entire plan could have been ruined at any minute. BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T BE BORING HURRR DERRRP

- Ginjo appearantly needed to be brainwashed because he's a terrible actor.
Except he doesn't get brainwashed until after he cuts Ishida.
At which point he has already conversed with Ichigo THREE TIMES
And managed to gain his trust despite saying nothing but "LOL your dads suspicious" and "LOL Uraharas suspecious"

I know Ichigo has all the brains of a block of granite, but still, "can't act" my fucking ass.

- As a matter of fact, why does Ichigo contact Ginjo at all? Ishida is hurt and Ichigo wants strength to protect his friends, I get that, but why does he think Ginjo can help with that? The absolute only thing Ginjo has done prior to the training is say that Isshin is suspicious, and that Urahara is suspicious. Nothing about “hey, gimme a call if you need some training”. Ah, but Ichigo says that because they knew about him and his dad, they can’t be ordinary humans, and hence should be able to train him.

Riiiight. Apart from that reasoning being a huge stretch, just them knowing your fathers name and the existence of Urahara shop doesn’t mean they are spiritually attuned or anything. They could be detectives, or just have spied on Isshin and Urahara and noticed they are up to weird stuff. They could be completely normal and know these things.

But Ichigo, you know who else knows Isshin and Uraharas secrets? Keigo, and your other schoolmates. In fact, random people were capable of seeing Mulletzen in all his glory. Are any of those “normal humans”? Technically no. Would any of those be capable of training you? No fucking way. His reasoning is fundamentally nonsensical.

But screw their untrustworthiness and the fact that theres nothing indicating they can be of any help, Ichigo calls Xcution because he has no one else to count on. No, not even the Aizen level guy who has that shop around the block and you’ve known for several years. Not even the Aizen-level shinigami in his own home, whom he’s known his entire life. Because Ginjo said they were suspicious – never mind the fact that they haven’t DONE anything suspicious- and who are we to trust the words of characters who have helped Ichigo the entire series, compared to some strange new dude who rambles about ramen?

- I’m bugged by their stalker-knowledge of Ichigo and the timing of this whole debacle. Okay, so they know that Ichigo was a substitute shinigami, that he killed hollows, lost his powers and yadda yadda. I sincerely doubt that Karakura library has these events on record, or that soul-sensitive security cameras have captured them, so it’s impossible for anyone to learn these things after Ichigo lost his powers. Which would mean they were stalking him a year ago, somehow keeping tabs on his movements for +40 volumes from the sidelines without being seen. Which begs the question: Why have they been sitting on their asses so long, and not approached Ichigo ages ago? They could have done it after Soul Society easily! “Ah, but only a powerless Ichigo would be desperate enough to trust them so they needed to wait!” One, they had no way of knowing he would lose his powers. Two, it is entirely possible a hitherto unknown group could approach an Ichigo brooding over his inner hollow, claim that they too have inner hollow issues, gain his trust and put him through hazardous training excersizes. Actually, exactly that happened.

Oh yeah, and all the stalking in the world can’t explain how they knew Ichigo had an inner hollow. The ONLY time he was masked in the real world was for 10 SECONDS of fight with Grimmjow, and the two GJ fights are also the only times Ichigo shows off getsuga tenshou.

Then maybe Chad told them all that stuff! Only Chad was said to have joined because they told him they’d be getting Ichigos powers back. So there.

- You need one guy to train Ichigo, and another to antagonize and motivate him. Makes sense. But heres’ a crazy thought: What if Tsukishima took Ginjos role? Ginjo could be the douchebag villain- in other words, his normal self- and Tsukishima befriends Ichigo. This has the huuuuge advantage of Ginjo not needing to be brainwashed, plus Tsukishima has a pretty surefire way of making friends with people. With no-one brainwashed they could keep in touch, and Ginjo would know the instant Ichigos powers had ripened to their most delicious state.

- Fuck, why not just scrap the need for a villain entirely? Let me just condense the entire Fullbringer nonsense to the bare minimum of what the NotAizens could have done to achieve their goal:

*Ichigo walks home from school *

*Surprise backstab!*

Ichigo: What the – oh, if it isn’t my best friend with those funky fullbring powers, Shuu-san!

Tsukishima: Ichigo my friend, how would you like to get your powers back? I have gathered some people who can help you with a training program!

Ichigo: Sounds great, after all you’re the most trustworthy guy I know!


Tsukishima: Very good Ichigo, we are almost done. By the way, meet this new friend of mine.

Ichigo: Hi

Ginjo: ‘Sup

Ichigo: Huh, there appears to be a sword stuck in my chest


If for some reason it absolutely had to be Shuu Chan being the villain and Ginjo getting brainwashed, why didn’t Ginjo just give Tsukishima a list of all the hideouts? He obviously new of the first one (them staying there is a whole other dose of stupid. HERP DERP WHY DOES OUR FORMER LEADER KNOW OUR BASE), but he never showed up at the second, and used Yukio to track them down at the third. It would have made things much much easier if he’d known all of them, that way he could show up anywhere at any time, check on Ichigos progress, and de-brainwash Ginjo.

- How exactly do you drain a fullbring power? If I’ve understood anything from Kubos hamfisted exposition, it’s that the fullbringer communicates with an items soul via his own soul, and manipulates the item to produce his fullbring. Or in other words, Ichigo talked to his badge, and it covered him with goo. So what is it Ginjo steals? It looks like he just sucks up Ichigos armor, but in that case you’d think Ichigo could just have his badge barf up a new one. Appearantly not though. So what did Ginjo do? Did he eat the ability of Ichigos badge to get activated? Did he eat Ichigos mental connection with his badge? Neither of these seems more like thoughts than like a thing you can just absorb.

More to come

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