AFB: In the War Room with As Nodt!

Hello, everyone. I've been playing a lot of Luigi's Mansion recently, and I figured I'd use my soul vacuuming skills to keep As Nodt around for a spot of tea coming off his stirring defeat this week. This chapter's developments were so exciting I nearly popped an emotion! It was scary--

Did someone say "SCARY"!?!?!?

Pipe down, you. Anyway, how are you for discussing some of the tactics in this epic clash of dumb vs. dumber?

CAN IT ALL BE BOILED DOWN TO A SINGLE EMOTION??

Maybe...?

Is that emotion...

Don't.

...FFEEARRR!?!? 


I think we're starting to see the main issue with the Vandenreich already!! They are a military force of simpletons.

Hole of Reproach: The Unbrearable Confusingness of Rukia's Being

Greetings dear readers. I once more decided to delve deeper into the moldy, rancid heart of Bleach, in order to try and understand the inner workings of a mind who'se sole purpose seems to be self adoration. (If you don't know what I mean, check my previous article here.

With that shameless bit of self promotion out of the way, let's get back to what we love best here at Applied Logic, aside from group orgies and devil worship. Namely pointing out how Kubo has no idea that things he previously wrote still exist and he just can't will them out of existence because he's bored.

Today's is a typical example. There I was, minding my own business, reading Bleach, getting bored as hell by the Quinci invasion consisting of a bunch of forgettable losers and bishounen , when Rukia suddenly showed up and

decided to try and do something.

Which was a big shock to me considering that the last time she attempted usefullness she was the only shinigami to get defeated by the Fullbringers (the less we say abotu Renji's..."victory" the better) and the last time before then was getting her ass kicked by Yammy, which wasn't even a one on one really. So I was more then happy to see her do something. I would be even happier if Origime and Chad, who'se involvement with this arc thus far seems to be little else then nominal, would do something too but that's like asking for Kubo not to be racist to his fans while trying to sell them his stuff.

But anyway Rukia is actually on the battlefield. And she's fighting As Nodt. Okay, I guess that's alright, beat the guy whom her precious big brother (who wanted to secue her execution for an incredibly minor offense, which was in direct contrast to the promise he made to his dying wife, because he made another promise afterwards in his head in the presence of his parents' gravestones, obviously) could not. That's alright by me.

So her new powers are.....hmm....how does this work again ?

No no, I know that, I was asking about your new powers. You know, the sword. The pointy thing. How does that work ?

So basically kinda like Hitsugaya, only you can't create ice, or control ice. Okay but how does it work ?

.

That doesn't make sense because you couldn't move then. You even said your so cold you blood froze in your veins. But then again this is the afterli-

Uhm....wha...uh...You're currently dead because you're in the afterlife. And you are in the afterlife because you died. And just in case you needed to have this specifically confirmed

Remembering things is hard, especially when YOU wrote them

It's really sad that the afterlife in this series has become what it is. I mean Shunsui has tickets that allows you to go there for crissake. But still I was kind of hoping people would remember their own backstory, and Kubo would remember none of these people are actually alive. They are souls. Who came to Soul Society after being sent there in a sending ritual. After they left their bodies due to death.

I mean there are people born (?) in SS, very rarely, but this is clearly not one of them. Rukia is dead not because of a technique of some kind but because she has been dead this whole series. And the fact Kubo can forget this is just another example of how he only cares about thinking up a "cool" english language title each week to then engrave into his furniture.

Why Bleach should tank in the Ratings

So
, we like to all take cracks at Kubo, for obvious reasons.

I am no exception and recently joked that his editors and assistants are being paid for giving each other piggy back rides as Kubo is left to his own devices, wasting a year's worth of grade A black ink (and possibly running about his studio, dumping it by the bucket on gigantic canvases, while reciting his poetry) and that instead they should probably try to do their jobs.

I realise that the story is not supposed to be tailored specifically to me, and I realise that as long as the series makes money the editors have done their job more or less without fault as far as Jump is concerned.

However that does not mean that I no longer think that what I said is at least partially true. The man needs to be reeled in and kept withint bounds. Because his success is clearly not making him want to change his habbits, and if he just did what he did with Bleach and then went on to his daily life I could possibly see that as not being a bad thing.

But the problem is all the fame for his minimalist efforts seems to have gone to his head. Remember his chapter titles he writes in english even when he has no idea what he's actually writing (Why Me Sad instantly springs to mind) ? The ones that are at best trite platitudes ?

Yes this is a thing that exists

Well turns out he's supposedly loves just how gosh darn clever he is with coming up with them he has them plastered on his own furniture.

A breathtaking example of hubris that one would have to be pretty damn amazing at what you do in order not to make a huge target of oneself.

......

This is one of the many reasons I think Bleach would be better off if it would founder in the ratings for a bit, and then hey, maybe the story and narrative structure might improve as consequence....or maybe Kubo will just go into hyper drive to get the arc with as fast as possible like what happened with the Arc That Must Not Be Named (mostly to avoid me going on another five hour tangent).

AFB: Quincy Queries

I know it's from a bygone time, wee lads, but massage your mind and try to remember, a time when Quincies were actually human! It seems like that conception of Quincies was from around roughly the era of Australopithecus at this point!

Please, tell us about your tragic past

Now I'm not sure what bizarre, tortured automatons they might be, but they sure as fuck ain't human.

Attack From Behind: BLEACH Meets Call of Duty, FINALE

Let's tackle the rest of this quaint little fic we're all far superior to

When last we left off

• More random ghost sex from extremely forced pairings
• Senna from Movie 1 helps the our men in uniform
• Ichigo's family held to ransom him to unlock Soul Society for slaughter! They should have just waited for the following Tuesday, SS was already naturally due for another apocalypse
• Russia in turmoil from civil war! Will IMRAN ZAKHAEV's name sound even eviler, now that the ultranationalist insurgency has reached its apex?
• The military of the nation of heroes mounts its attack on AL-ASAD's jihadist compound, but he managed to slip away! Meanwhile, insanely powerful gods among men Kariya, Gin and Aizen twiddle their thumbs as they watch their puny human comrade in awe.
• Hinamori is Hitsugaya's new lieutenant, as paperwork is a foremost priority during a time of crisis and leaving a division without a captain or a vice captain is an amazing idea
• The Gotei 13 discovers Aizen's illicit stash of nuclear warhead blueprints and... and...

PICTURES OF THE RUKONGAI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Although I can see why they'd want to censor such photos

More shock and terror and ghost boobs after the jump

Attack From Behind: BLEACH Meets Call of Duty, Pt. 3

When last we left off, Ichigo was given a reason to fight the evil jihadists when his points of vulnerability, otherwise known as sisters, found their kawaii faces rammed into dark spaces for gunpoint ransom. Meanwhile, the evil shinigami are inexplicably terrified by the terrorist boss, and his base is attacked by Marines whose exploits I don`t care enough to describe!!

Also Kariya

Haven`t you heard that old adage, to get the WIND KICKED OUT OF YOU

I love that I get to use the vampires tag for this review series.

Attack From Behind: BLEACH Meets Call of Duty, Pt. 2

When last we left off:

• Rangiku had been banished so that she may become entangled with Ichigo SEXUALLY
• Aizen, Ichimaru and KARIYA had seen fit to lend their aid to Russian secessionists with a taste for jihad, for reasons yet unknown but probably diabolical in nature. SS doesn't know Aizen and Ichimaru are bad guys yet, so this is set before the SS Arc??
• The US and British governments had sent their best and brightest soldiers to rescue their Russian informant in the wake of the assassination of the "President" of Saudi Arabia at the hands of the jihadist leader, the evil Al-Asad.
• The scalps of Syria's Bashar Al-Assad and Kariya Jin are both exceedingly flat.

 

"Ahaha, you are silly and likely Western trash-dog spy. Your shoulders are like runway of my jet"

"Yeah well at least *I* don't look as though anybody could come over and lift and detach my face by cupping my ears."

Place your bets for what happens next before the jump, we're diving into Chapters 5-8!