AfB: Where Are They Now

Where Are They Now

Bleach ended some time ago, and I’m only now writing an article about it. You see, I scoured every atom of the last chapter for the googolplexianth-level secrets Kubo embedded in the last chapter. And I have divined the fates of every character. Behold!

KENPACHI: Through no effort or training, has unleashed a level of kai beyond bankai that only he can achieve called Kenpakai; incidentally, if any other shinigami could ever achieve Kenpakai, his would still be the strongest. Also, the lines on his face have become so chiseled that his head is now a fleshy axe, because his axe-head is stronger than anyone’s.

Yachiru: Now forms the hilt of the axe that constitutes the level of kai above Kenpakai, Gigakenpakai, wherein Kenpachi sprouts no fewer than three particularly nasty-looking axes out of his neck-stump and ALSO wields an axe as big as the universe in one hand and a normal-sized axe with Yachiru as the hilt in the other hand. You can rest assured that his Gigakenpakai is stronger than anyone’s hypothetical Gigakenpakai, and even stronger than any other shinigami’s hypothetical Supergigakenpakai, that’s how strong it is.

Ikkaku: Winner of the All-Soul-Society Raepface Showdown for three years in a row, his next trick is to hone it to perfection so that he can finally scare off the human girl who wants him so bad, unaware that it will only endear him to her even more.

Yumichika: Is using his sword’s power to drain Kenpachi’s strength nonstop so he can enjoy his fights again, but it’ll never really make a dent because Kenpachi is always teh strongste always and everyday.

Kyouraku: As Supreme Commander Chief Captain Man of the Gotei 13, he has made it his policy to suspend the pretense of engaging Hollows in battle, and has instead mobilized the superspiritual army corps to the task of producing a tea that he can pour directly into his brain through his gaping eye-wound for a more visceral kind of refreshment. However, he has yet to summon the energy to rise up from his forty-week-and-counting stupor dozing in the middle of the street to sign the order.

Nanao: On a mission to retrieve the god-sword entrusted to her family now that it’s lost inside one of Gerard’s macroscopic cells (specifically a skin cell on his right gonad, otherwise known as the Right Gonad of the Soul King) as he orbits soul-Alpha Centauri. This is a mission fraught with tension, as any accidental slaying of Gerard with the god-sword could easily make him so huge that Kubo would be forced to give him a personality.

Shinji: Spends every waking moment crossing his fingers for the next big catastrophic threat to the existence of all of reality so that he can show off his bankai.

Hinamori: Has arranged a delicate truce deal whereby Aizen gets to walk free in Soul Society so long as she’s allowed to stab him the exact same way he stabbed her every Thursday.

Soi Fong: After intense training, she has learned to coat her missiles with poison, so now when an enemy is hit by a missile on the same spot twice, they’re as good as done for.

Omaeda: Has become the first man in history to trigger an aneurysm by picking his nose too hard.

Rose: Sells out concerts all over the Rukongai, and has pioneered a Live Aid for the really bad districts where everybody soul-murders everybody. Unfortunately, the Seireitei edition of We Are the World flopped hard when Aizen took too much inspiration from it and hatched a plan to literally become the world before anybody else could.

Kira: Having been introduced to genki pills by Hanatarou, he makes due playing his chest-bars like a xylophone during his squad’s concerts. He’s also taken to holstering his crook-sword on those bars because he thinks it looks very intimidating and cool. The crisis that’s got him depressed at the moment is a home infestation of little malevolent owl-storks.

Byakuya: Shedding a very internal tear after Rukia’s proved she’s all grown up and ascended to the title of captain, he has dedicated most of his time to combing his hair so that he can be the new Hisana whenever he looks in the mirror. He now looks up to Rukia since he’s only died once, while her bankai can make her continuously “dead,” the most envious state to be in.

Renji: Keeps coming up with new names for his bankai. The grand baboon snake’s head is now a Chappy, to please Rukia. Is also still training to be able to take Aizen in a fight, otherwise known as Soul Society’s most hysterical unintentional comedy act. Nothing makes Rukia want to scratch Renji behind the ears quite like watching him try his best at something.

Iba: His struggle for relevance very much mirrors the Gotei 13’s; he has taken to wearing his former captain’s head-bucket, only with shades on the outside, in a bid to be the “mysterious” one. Good luck trying to get him to reveal what his sword does, because not even Kubo knows.

Lisa: Is quietly agitating to destigmatize reading ero-manga during work hours. Hitsugaya isn’t going to fictionally yank Ichigo’s doodle without her help, after all.

Kensei: Is currently paying Aizen regular visits to see if he can’t poke eyeholes into his mask so he can actually see.

Couldn’t be handier for when you want to be fed six wafers at a time, though.

Hisagi: Gets feverish and anxious whenever he sees a bug-head, what with the flashbacks of Tousen.

Mashiro: Still looks like this:

She and Kensei are still trying to train Hisagi to bankai using some tough love, but somehow fracturing and severing his limbs hasn’t really helped.

Hitsugaya: Used his bankai until its time limit ran out once again and now he looks like Strom Thurmond at the end of his life, only with a captain’s robe (fitted with buttons so it can be left unbuttoned), skinny jeans, and a limited-edition ice dragon belt. As for what got him to run out the clock on his bankai again, let’s just say Aizen can thermometers sweat a little when he’s out fucking the sun.

Rangiku: Is giving Halibel tips on how to deal with the back pain she knows all too well while she remains in chains indefinitely.

Mayuri: His bankai has convinced many hardline conservatives all across Soul Society that sometimes, abortion can be okay.

Nemu: Is now a revolting, monstrous caterpillar with the head of a cute little girl. All of her nerves are on the outside, otherwise she might feel a moment’s not-pain, which is unacceptable. Sees nothing wrong with being Mayuri’s human footstool/mode of transportation. It’s very heartwarming.

Rukia: Has upgraded her bankai so that it can now freeze the speed of light (among other abstract concepts in physics), allowing her to relativistically travel back in time during any fight. Thus she is Soul Society’s secret weapon against Tsukishima, who, as of last Monday, is the doting father and birth-mother of everyone in all of history.

Isane: Is now making sure that the medic squad never does any administers any of their healing arts on the battlefield, as their job, modeling their new policy to “come home safe” after the modern American police force.

Tsukishima: Not to be outdone by Aizen, he’s inserted himself into the history of the moon so that all of those craters were caused by a crotch-pounding that would wake the neighbors for sure.

Ginjou: Has opened a ramen shop where, for no reason whatsoever, the menu is a many-layered labyrinth of lies. He also tells customers that he has information about their perhaps-secretly-seedy fathers, which is actually always true since now their fathers are all Tsukishima. Tsukishima played the ultimate prank by making it true, unbeknownst to Ginjou, who’s only vaguely aware that he himself has a father since until recently he assumed that he’d spontaneously generated from a bowl of ramen.

Giriko: Having done nothing during the big war when his HATED FULLBRING would have been massively helpful, he has taken to training so he can protect his new home, the afterlife, for real this time. Going back down to Earth would mean having to live with his wife, you see.

Riruka: Died in a tragic donut accident when a baker accidentally shoved her head in the oven and baked a donut to form around her neck to strangle her. Then the gates of Hell appeared to swallow her into the secret, worst ring reserved for the truly execrable, a torturous realm of pure white and black, the sensation of which is not unlike being tickled by Kubo’s ink brush from above. Hope she likes being forced to eternally find new ways to compliment Hitler’s sole testicle as he blushes in embarrassment.

Asshole Beret: His Silicon Valley startup promising to marry programming with supernatural spirit particles so that users could experience, like, spirituality and stuff, never got off the ground despite setting a Kickstarter goal of $10.50. Is currently trying to claim he invented the internet, when everyone knows Tsukishima did.

Jackie: A vocal activist for allowing boots in mud wrestling contests for reasons she consistently fails to elucidate, she has nonetheless won a seat in the Diet on her single-issue platform, with a very real shot, some say, at securing the coveted position of National Boot Fashionista. All hail!

Shishigawara: Is using Jackpot Knuckle to win massive amounts of cash, raising the question as to why he didn’t before. However, he is even more loyal to Tsukishima now that he is his father. And also his older brother. And also 10 of his cousins. It’s all just evidence that Tsukishima has a soft spot for the lad.

Hachi:  Is taking lessons from Giriko on how best to pose as a servile butler figure. Has also moved to a gigai that’s 100% muscle but somehow also lean.

Love: Unknown. Last anyone saw of him, Sternritter #, The Pound, embedded largish hammers made of snakes made of diamond into his cranium and into each one of his internal organs, but it’s any guess whether he survived.

Hiyori: Is still grumbling about the occasional pains and pangs her sliced-in-half-by-Gin waist scar gives her. She needs to visit Urahara’s shop every month for a cream if she doesn’t want the lower half of her body to randomly pop off at the most embarrassing junctures.

Talk about a botched yearbook photo

To this day, she remains unaware that Gin had simply been worried she thought her ass looked too big.

THERE ARE TOO MANY DAMN CHARACTERS IN THIS SERIES HAHA HOLY SHIT

Grimmjow: Is now the “king” of an unrecognized micronation on an island in the Arctic circle (the flag is a black Hollow hole on a tasteful chartreuse background). His life consists mostly of unleashing his Resurrecion to look badass while swiping Hollow-salmon from the beautiful spring waters, and waiting for new arrancar nakama to come form a new merry band. Yes, it’s all coming together.

Urahara: Why didn’t Aizen abduct Urahara instead of Orihime? Doesn’t make sense. The dude has a bankai that can repair anything AND actually made the damn Hougyoku to begin with. Anyway, he’s currently hiding his dozen remaining Hougyokus inside of Kenpachi, but he is very, very forte and tsuyoi and mightyful so it’s not even making his Ultragigakenpakai a micron smaller.

Yoruichi: Has feline AIDS, but it’s okay because she’s careful.

Tessai: Also has feline AIDS.

Ururu and Jinta: Rotting in a barge out to sea.

Kon: Has joined Nanao on her intergalactic voyage, with the eventually aim of taking over Gerard’s body, and then playing billiards with the solar system.

Don Kan’onji: Now produces a good 60% of the seemingly 5 bajillion “ghost hunter” shows on cable. Oh my god, this room is COLDER THAN THAT OTHER ROOM!! RUUUUNNNN!!!!! For the time being, the thought of using actual ghosts for any of these shows continues to elude him.

Ikumi: Is now Ichigo’s trauma counselor. Her counseling makes use of elbow jabs and haymakers to “release Ichigo’s chakras for spiritual healing.”

Ichigo’s sisters: Ichigo opted for a normal life. Karin and Yuzu are now fighting evil by night as Vasto Lorde-zanpakuto spirit-catfox-Bach’s other half-Bounts. They are vastly overpowered for the low level Hollows that haunt Karakura and end up vaporizing whole neighborhoods, but Soul Society’s economy is now geared towards making replacement Karakuras anyway, and Yuzu and Karin can see the dead so it doesn’t matter.

Isshin: No longer the father of Casa Kurosaki, but still comes to kick Ichigo out of bed in the morning. However, he has to compete with that one Arrancar that Ichigo wanted off his bed for the coveted right to kick Ichigo out of it.

All of Ichigo’s tertiary-character schoolmates: Spend their every waking moment thinking of how best to serve the whims of everyone’s friend, Tsukishima, with whom they are totally equal as there is no power imbalance whatsoever, now mind as he likes to extract his daily monetary tribute from their asscheeks as they prostrate themselves with their rumps in the air. Are taking servility lessons from Hachi.

Squad Zero: Currently set to the task of supplying the Soul King with arms and legs, and lungs with which to speak, and a brain with which to think and perceive. I believe it was Niccolo Machiavelli who wrote in his opus, The Prince, that an effective ruler must make a point of possessing a brain. Ichibei tried to dye the Soul King in black to make him a “black ant” so that he would sprout 8 arms, but in doing so he robbed him of his name, which… wait, never mind. He never had one to begin with!

Pernidas: Has rejoined the Soul King; disappointingly, it was as his head.

Yuki Ryuunosuke: Is now an important character, we swear, only it’s so offscreen it’s off-series. Look forward to his starring spinoff, MOLD REMOVER.

Chad: Now a world-famous pro boxer. This has made the many montages/scenes where he trains his powers even more pointless, unless we assume Chad punches gaping holes into the sides of his opponents’ heads. No rule against it!

The next time they would meet would be in the ring.

Ishida: Now a doctor, he is constantly astonished how his patients’ blood does NOT gush out into big beautiful blood tornadoes upon the slightest papercut. Is not a particularly good doctor but he can just stuff patients into gigais without their knowledge or consent and call it a job well done.

Ryuuken: Despite no longer being Ishida’s father, he still goes out of his way to belittle him but always with a reassuring line thrown in at the end to let the reader know that, deep down, he actually loves him (Like for example, “God, you’re still such a degenerate spawn that’s lower than the sperm that’s still in my nads because the tediousness of your existence froze my balls the moment you were born, and that sperm, which should never have become you because it was a devolution, forever spells out I HATE YOU, URYUU, but I’ll deign to stick around and teach you how to forge some silver soul sperm from your mother’s blood clot so you can be worth something as we’ll be able to destroy the last remnants of Yhwach’s energy with it together”). Is currently attempting to devise a surgery to pluck cash money out of people’s innards.

Orihime and Ichigo: The picture of marital bliss, as Orihime can shield herself and their friends whenever Ichigo randomly explodes with “darkness energy or whatever” during get-togethers. When asked what he does for a living, Ichigo always responds “Living!” with a wink and a nod and a nudge nudge and a “get it?”

Kazui: Is currently having the next twenty years of his life orchestrated to a tee by the actual last Quincies, Bach’s 9,999 great-grandfathers. As all of their conflicting evil designs for the young boy cancel each other out, Kazui would instead lead a life without hardship or strife slicing up tormented souls at age 4 and being raised as the human pet of his father, Tsukishima. No speaking, only purring! There, there. That’s a good little kitty.

Ichika: Has vowed to cut Kazui down at the point of his life he is the happiest.

Next chapter, they bankai!

Thanks for reading, folks. I had a great time entertaining you, and I’m sure Kubo did, too.

AfB: I Am Also Good at Crossing Checklists

Hello, everyone. It's been some time since the last article, so I have lots of ground to cover (...or do I?). In any case, I have quite the checklist of meaningless occurrences to cover in a humorous fashion, spanning from that time Riruka reappeared to basically no consequence. And, in much the same way that BLEACH has essentially devolved to crossing off bankais and reveals in an uninspired, perfunctory manner, so I shall strive to get through all of it as quickly as possible. 

 
To that end, I've invited Lille Barro, the sniper of the Vandenreich. Greetings, Mr. Barro.

Pictured: What refugees look like to Republicans

I am God’s prophet! Do you hear me!?

Yes, yes. You’ve been screaming as much since back in the other-dimensional green room. Now tell me, what was it like being the sniper of the Vanden--

I’m NOT just “the sniper of the Vandenreich!” Take back that blasphemy at once! I am an envoy of God!!

I apologize. But wait, didn't Yhwach hate guys who thought they were prophets?

"Can you predict the future of my mustache?"

Kids, I’m here to tell you that you can be anything.

...Well, that’s lovely, except that there won’t be kids anymore after you destroy the unive--

Shhh. You’re confusing them. Kids: You can be anything. Your personality can be anything, at any given time.

Uhhhh… a lovely sentiment. I guess?

Nothing about you is set in stone. You could be screaming your head off one minute and then be the picture of stoicism the next. You could be a sniper dude and then have nothing to do with sniping. Isn’t that wonderful? God commands you to be free! You are free to be you, and also about fifteen other character designs cycled through randomly!

Hole of Reproach: An additional remark to the Pernida Fight

Yes I'll be getting off my ass to write something new as well.

But first I would like to point out something that wouldn't really fit into the next article.

So Mayuri defeated Pernida by making it explode after it ate all the pieces of Nemu.

So in other words he had to have specifically engineered Nemu's body to produce regeneration that will explode someone if they eat her.

Then he had to bet on Pernida, a giant hand with an eye and no visible mouth, having the need to eat. Because remember, Souls don't actually need to eat as far as we've been told way back, because they're dead and I assume he's a soul given he's one of the Spirit King's severed hands.

Then he had to bet on Pernida deciding to eat Nemu.

And all of his clones had to do so was well.

And all of them had to start eating at the exact same time so none of them blew up before all of them got a piece.

So even by Bleach standards this is an absolutely amazing stretch.

Hole of Reproach: The Prodigal Liar returns

Yawn. Well that was a fine nap. Hope I didn't oversl....

*Looks at calendar*

Oh, uhm, well, that was sure a long and totally justified absence with real, substantial reasons behind it.

Okay, let me level with you folks. I've kinda been overwhelmed with stuff in real life, which made me less motivated to mock Bleach, which also kinda settled into just mostly really boring territory for a bit. But I believe it's now time for me to come back from the grave and give a summary of the preceeding events. This first post shall cover the amazing saga of Baby Hold Your Hand parts 2 through 7 and then we'll see from there. Such a shame, so much pidgeon english we could have been graced with had not Kubo insisted on getting a manicure instead.

Chapter 639: The Chapter where Pernida's master strategy is revealed

So this chapter we discover Pernida's strategy involves dismembering itself. Because being a severed hand gives you the power to do that.

Well, Pernida certainly has taken giving people the finger quite literally

An absolutely fool-proof strategy as long as it don't fight more then five people. Or doesn't get anything in it's eye. So basically it should avoid string sextets performing Richard Strauss.

At the point where we find out that the ancient, immortal God-Ruler of Soul Society and the World, so sacred he can't actually be bothered to govern it and has to be locked in a big hamster bubble in a completely seperate dimension, apparently walks on his hands.

That's how you do done hands right ?

This explains so much.

And somehow this same moon logic leads to Mayuri's bankai being a....pregnant baby.

I'd get into the deeply disturbing points I'm sure you're all wondering about but my immediate question is: why does it have lamps (?) hanging off the side like some sort of traffic light ?

I'm very confused. Not just because this is disturbing on a fundamental level but remember, sword spirits/manifestations are artificial beings, and Mayuri says this is a "modified" Bankai. So did he...intentionally make it look like a big baby that gives birth to smaller babies on purpose for some sort of sick ironic statement ?

And then he has the things it produced be in constant pain because it's nerve are on the outside.

Just....why the fuck does anyone keep this guy employed ? Because no matter how efficient your Severed Head powered ceiling fan is, there's only so many times you can break the laws of Gods and Men before someone files a complaint at Human Resources...unless that's where you work for the sake of irony.

The chapter ends with these shrieking abominations eating the hands Pernida grew because it forgets it can punch things momentarily.

Chapter 640 begins with a full colour display of all the Quincies from this arc.

Ah the memories. Strong arm girl who gets killed offscreen, Colonel Quincey who pointed a gun at someone once and died, Chinese Stereotype dude who got killed off by Hashbrick because he had the audacity to not win against Bankai the first time he faced it, the wonderfully usefull and not at all last-second out of nowhere plot twist inducing Lrlrlrloyddd brothers and Kirge, the guy who absorbs Hollows because Quincies are genetically designed to be deathly allergic to them. Also it's funny how Big Fang dude, aka the guy who got killed offscreen by Kenpachi and showed up in like one panel is in full view but Brains McJarboy is camouflaged in the back there.

Mayuri once more demonstrating that mental health that in no way makes him a hiring risk.

Remember, this is the guy they let be in charge of all the really dangerous shit.

But then what everyone expected to happen happens and Kubo graces us with the sight of an exploding baby.

Because we definitely needed to see that. Mayuri almost gets shot by Pernida's bow (a Quincie using a bow ? That's so random lol) but maybe if it wasn't down to just three fingers it's aim might be a bit better. Just a theory. And it can apparently regrow it's fingers. And it can shoot one bow from each finger it has. So why was it awkwardly grasping at that one bow before ? Did it just not want to hit Mayuri ?

Nemu makes the save but Mayuri gets pissy about her dying being an annoyance for him. Because I do so care about the emotional baggage of a man who blew up his own men as living bombs and casually committed genocide at the beginning of this same arc. Not to mention the whole thing with the Quincies and you'd think the dude would be a lot higher on their hit list but Kubo's apparently completely forgotten about that as usual.

Chapter 641 Doesn't have much except Mayuri blabbing out his plan to kill Pernida with a coagulating drug, delivered in his usual subtle way.

I'm the best diversion ever, there's no way they can see through my clever rouse of telling them I'm a diversion !

It's so bad Nemu calls him out on it. But still people reveal their plans and powers to the enemy all the time in Bleach, when has that ever backfi-

The unthinkable happened, they actually listened to what I was saying !

You had one job dude.

Chapter 642 is Backstory Time !

In short Nemu is the seventh artificial soul Mayuri made. Apparently every attempt before that was basically a failure.

There is shockingly little I can say about this chapter aside from commenting on the inconsistency of "growth" for Shinigami considering that pigtail girl has been the same age for centuries. Also souls now have cells that divide. As well as blood. And organs. Basically being dead has long stopped meaning anything in this series.

These two chapters especially impeded me getting back on track because there isn't really much here.

Chapte 643: Now that Nemu is facing Pernida instead of Mayuri she is forced to literally use up her own soul to fight it.

Resulting in her blowing the thing that multiplies by division into pieces.

In hindsight this was not the best idea

Boy you're really putting all that stuff you apparently learned about to good use ! Annnnd she gets blowed up. Mayuri then for some reason has hallucinations of Szayel.

I'm certain everyone reading remembers me, I do look so unique and all.

Considering Kubo's totally unique design method I was actually stumped for a bit wondering if this isn't a character I'd just forgotten about. But no Mayuri just has random hallucinations of people he's killed just in case he's not been raising enough mental flags with his usual behaviour.

Thankfully Mayuri manages to kill Pernida via her exploding regenerating cells when it decides, for no real reason, to eat Nemu's remains. I'd love to know what his solution would be if Pernida didn't just randomly decide to do that.

Chapter 644: Mayuri tries to look cool by walking out of the blast but his legs are broken. He's found by these two guys from Zaraki's division and yes I could look up their names but Kubo filled my brain with nonsense like Nananna Najakhoop and Askin Nakk le Vaar and I want to keep a few brain cells handy.

Also thanks for all the massive help you've been

And look Mayuri scienced up a way to dezombify people. I guess he had time when they were all standing around in front of an open door for several months.

I love the part where it has a stand but he's still holding it up in the air anyway, despite how needlessly big it is

And now we move on to Black Dude # 18 aka Sniperguy. He's sure looking nice and snipery with his sniper rifle sniping at people like a sniper would do. But his sniper rifle is not match for Kyouraku's children's games and it's sliced in half. Oh noes, how will he snipe people without his sniper rifle ?

Chapter 645: Sniperdude wonders how Kyouraku snuck up on him while the latter stands around blabbing about how it's weird a Quincie doesn't know what a Daruma is.

Yes a culture consisting of living inside of an ice palace, being somehow both German, Chinese and Black and apparently all being dead maybe

Of course Kyouraku's Daruma-san technique gets explained to the enemy, as well as the reason why Sniperdude can't seem to shoot Kyouraku. I'd just like to point out this is the exact same thing that lead to Mayuri's plan backfiring a few chapters ago.

The guy almost avoids doing something as stupid but...

Revealing your strategy is stupid, now let me reveal my strategy.

he still explains what his power is anyway.

Chapter 646 continues the rivetting standoff of Sniperdude standing there and Kyouraku jumping at him.

Meanwhile his apparently still functioning rifle gets cut to size yet again.

Good thing his power isn't being all seeing or anything because then him getting his shit repeatedly slashed to pieces would be embarassing.

Sniperguy gets so pissed off he runs at Kyouraku....to explain the origin of his gun. And he nearly gets cut down by Kyouraku but then when Kyouraku actually lands a hit it doesn't count because apparently if he opens his eyes three times during a fight he becomes intangible and automatically pierces his opponent. Because reasons, and stuff. And why didn't he just use his Cheat Mode earlier ?

My power is to never change my opinion, except when it's convenient

Oh bullshit man, you were the one who chewed out Kyouraku for being an idiot for telling you what his power is and that you weren't looking for a fair fight ! But because Kubo needs to pull a random powerup for you out of his ass this suddenly becomes a thing.

I would advise our readers to say goodbye to Lille being a sniper. Because that's pretty much a non-fact from this point onwards.

Oh and if you open your eyes three times during "one fight" you can keep them open for good ? What exactly constitutes a fight ? What if someone else attacked you while you were fighting Kyouraku, would that make your counter go down to zero ? Or if your opponent ran off without you defeating him, would that just stay permanently at 3 ? You make about as much sense as a mogwai.

Also because the completely arbitrary requirements have been met Lille gets to morph into his super form. Would you want to know what that is ?

Totally aerodynamically sound

Of course it's a goofy nonsensical thing. Every black dude in this series always turns into a big ugly stupid thing. Zommari became a pumpkin, blind Shinigami dude turned into a fly and Pepe turned into a winged Santa Claus with a way too revealing thong on. Only one that escaped this fate was Nanana Racistkoop and that's only because he got offed before Kubo could turn him into a flying toaster or something.

Anyways the chapter ends with Lillbot shooting Kyouraku a bunch and we're supposed to think he's super seriously down for the count for reals this time.

Chapter 647 starts with a wait a minute....

At the end of the previous chapter you couldn't move and got a frontal hit. Did Lille just deactivate the power that made you unable to move after you got hit ?

We switch scene to see what everyone else is doing: namely running. Because plot in this series consists of people standing in place explaining abilities and people running until they run into someone they can stand at and explain their abilities to. This time they run into The Unmemorable Cosplayer Guy aka Thordude and Renji actually thinks he can take someone head on.

It's like watching a three legged puppy trying to take on a pack of Siberian Tigers

Dude last time Kubo gave you a one on one fight you made Bleach's ratings sink like the Titanic. He ain't giving you another one. Hell even there two other guys already fought the guy before so you could make the argument he was worn out !

Back in the one fight that will take the majority of screentime for weeks on end because Kubo has no idea how to divide his attention equally between different events, Kyouraku tries cutting down Lille with a Kido blade, it does nothing and then he decides to activate his ability. Seeing what it is, why did he have to wait until he lost a third of his blood before he started to use it ?

Chapter 648: After we see Ichigo stare down Askin wondering how Grimmjow could have lost to someone so non-threatening, literally the entire Palace gets absorbed into Kyouraku's bankai. One wonders if, seeing as it has that much of an area of effect, why he didn't bother using it earlier regardless how far away he was from the others but thinking is for smart people.

Also Lille's legs now are frickin amazing

Not sure if this is Kubo screwing up the perspective but it appears they're now welded to a four pointed trident (quatrident ?) and it appears they're not even properly centered and there's an extra bit jutting out to his right/back ?

After chatting Kyouraku up a bit Lille proceeds to slice off big holes off of Bach's remodelled Palace and then somehow gets a big chunk blown out of him so apparently the suit is now also his body.

And seeing as how his Bankai makes the opponent get the same wounds as they give to Kyouraku, why didn't he use this while he was getting made into swiss cheese again ?

But not only does Kyouraku's Bankai allow him to make things dark and give identical wounds to his enemies as ones he got himself.....also he can apparently somehow manifest someone's dying regret over self-inflicted battle injuries as an incurrable disease.

 

If you don't see how these things are all obviously thematically connected I truly pitty your sub Level 46 secrecy initiation level

And then his final form....submerges them both underwater until either of their reiatsu runs out.

Okay you apparently inflicted the dude with an "incurrable disease", why did you feel you then had to dunk the pair of your underwater until someone goes out cold ? Seems kind of counterproductive to me. Unless said "disease" was either not lethal or would take like 5-6 years to kill Lille off, in which case what was the point again ?